Features// Pocket Plays GTA IV Multi-Player

Posted 8 Apr 2008 18:01 by
Games: Grand Theft Auto IV
Getting up at 5.30am is never my favourite thing to do, particularly when I’m supposed to be on holiday. Getting in at 5.30am – yes – but not up. However, for this, I will make an exception. I, along with most of the gaming population of Britain, have been getting rather excited about the impending release of Grand Theft Auto IV. This is a strange phenomenon as the previously released GTAs have done nothing to excite me, despite the best attempts of friends and loved ones.

The truth is, I’m no good at them, and like most socially inept and competitive gamers this means I don’t like them. But, what with it being a while since San Andreas, I have sort of forgotten why I’m not so good at it using my amazing short term memory loss, which I worked so hard to cultivate - though I should perhaps give honourable mention to the Frenzy gene pool. Yet despite this, or maybe because of this, when the opportunity to go to the GTA multi avi in Lahndahn I bit the Evil Editor's hand off. Figuratively speaking. Not literally, I wouldn’t. Unless he’d been holding a Marlboro Red and some risotto. Maybe then.

Cue JLR (James – the new SPOnG journalist) and me driving south down the M1 - me painting my nails whilst he attempts to get businessmen to give us the universal rock sign of goat-horn hand and Gene-Simmons tongue.

As a devoted Northerner, SPOnG’s latest contributor becomes somewhat more reticent as we encroach on the surprisingly leafy, lovely and sunlit streets of Leytonstone, where I park the car and we head for the tube having the usual North-South debate, which there surely must be a script for in the Magna Carta.

The tube journey is delayed, but I spend the time describing the Guitar Hero episode of South Park and telling the drooped lids of a man who was up late listening to Russell Brand’s podcast and didn’t get his morning cup of coffee, semi-improvised stories about blind, albino, sweaty-flanked Tube-mares whose hoarse-throated screams can be heard late at night in the tunnels in a vague attempt to convince him that this is the reason the warble-voiced tube driver is unwilling to give us any information on the impediment to our progress.

Wild lies about mythical (yet haunting) horses dissolve feebly when our taxi jerks to a halt outside the building 45 minutes late and we shamefacedly look up into the remarkably patient and manly face of our Australian Rockstar rep. He immediately takes us up to a beautifully darkened room with four huge leather chairs and equally huge TVs already set up with headsets, controllers and profiles for us.

Just as I expected from such city-living, high-flying, Peter Pan characters there was Coke as far as the eye could see. A-Cola, of course. And cake and sandwiches from Pręt a Manger for lunch. So, pumped on caffeine and humiliation, we listen as the lovely Rockstar Rep gives us the lowdown on what we were expected to do for four blissful hours. Here’s the plan as we were given it:

1)Team Deathmatch - a sequence of ten minute games where we’d acquaint ourselves with the controls and be allowed the privilege rarely given to n00bs of not being fired at by the far more experienced Rockstar crew, two of whom would be on each team to guide us through.

2)Team Mafiya (sic) work – a phone call would be received, usual GTA-style, and Petrovich (the boss) would give us a challenge to complete before the other team.

3)All versus All Mafiya work – same deal, but every man for himself.

4)GTA Race – different vehicles and weapons available to aid you in getting to the finish first.

5)Cops ‘n Crooks - two eponymous teams aim to either take down the boss or make an exciting getaway.

6)Co-op Hangman’s Noose – The team have to get the Mafiya boss away from police to safety.
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Games: Grand Theft Auto IV

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config 8 Apr 2008 19:12
There Aint Nothing Wrong (With a Little *Insert Paedophile Joke Here*)

These GTA hands-ons are just making me want this game more, as if there were even possible.
PreciousRoi 8 Apr 2008 20:15
Yeah, they're moving me from seeing GTA IV as something I'd have to work to avoid playing (and would probably wait on), to something I'm actually looking forward to...

Of the series, I loved the first two top-down games, and liked Vice City, but was pretty indifferent to III and SA (preferring Scarface and The Godfather, guess I like the period stuff), but this game looks like it is taking the next step...GTA IV just might be a Future Classic or even an Instant Classic.
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deleted 9 Apr 2008 00:08
With the possible exception of Resident evil 5 never have i anticipated a Game release so much,

Now I played GTA and GTA 2 on PC and I never liked them I heard all the hype and Bad press ( or good as it might of been for Rockstar )but really they just didn’t take me in, I overlooked GTA 3 for so very very long until on a game station spree I picked up the GTA double pack for XBOX and put it to one side for a good month or so (like you do) anyhoo after a settling time I tried out GTA 3 and got bored quickly of driving round and destroying digital family life, so tried out vice city when the Flock of Seagulls Stole my breath and drove round for a good hour or so just listening to the Radio, next thing I know I am 20 hours in performing most side missions on motorbikes and piloting helicopters into police cars for wanted stars, so after 3 months or so of 80`s Vice I decided to Play GTA 3 and finished that , then I got SA about a month after release and played the subpar plots and stories along with eating loads to become sick, I did PSP versions boringly though but what I cant understand after all of this, I really liked Vice City but GTA 1, 2, 3 and SA were mildly entertaining so why am I so excited about this one???
Krumbz 10 Apr 2008 04:16

Great read! A little envious here but I'll get over it... in a few months... AFTER April 29th.

Anyways great article - funny, witty and fresh like lemony scented laundry.

Plus on top of all that - you're cute!


Good stuff! I think I love Spong.com now.
Krumbz 10 Apr 2008 04:17
Great read! A little envious here but I'll get over it... in a few months... AFTER April 29th.

Anyways great article - funny, witty and fresh like lemony scented laundry.

Plus on top of all that - you're cute!


Good stuff! I think I love Spong.com now.
charlie brown 10 Apr 2008 10:03
i'd totally have sex with you
bill cosby 11 Apr 2008 09:34
let's have sex
Penitent 11 Apr 2008 14:33
Pocket... punching some skanky b*tch who was being an arse to your friend, and almost causing a riot on a night out, does not make you a "deeply un-violent person"


But it does make a fitting anecdote for this review. Oh, and when she mentions that her driving is suited to GTA, that's the truth, Amen to that sister. She's the only person I know that can get fully changed from one outfit to another, whilst driving at obscene speed down the motorway. "Here, just grab the wheel a sec"

Great write up btw. You're making me want to have a look at this, when no other GTA game has piqued my interest.
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